Parent Coaching
“A perfect metaphor for parenting is trying to stand up in a hammock without spilling your wine”
Anyone who has had the beautiful joy of being a parent also knows the struggles, the frustrations, the guilt, the exhaustion, and the worry. There are so many manuals out there on every topic of parenting through every developmental stage with sure answers to your newest struggle. Some are amazing and may work and some may fall flat. One method may work perfectly with child number one but child number two laughs in your face. It is overwhelming with the different research on what you should do, should not do, how to do it, why to do it, when to do it. Today it seems that no matter what your approach, there is a critic that is telling you that you messed up on some level. Parenting rocks and is a privilege that some are not afforded the opportunity. There is no one right way, there are many many wonderful right ways. What matters is you try your best, love with your whole heart and when needing help, ask for it.
I have worked for many years with children of all ages. I understand the toddlers, teens and everything in between. I have worked closely as a child advocate and counselor in helping kids have a voice, a healthy voice, so I understand the different developmental stages they cycle through. I have facilitated many groups for kids and teens to teach self esteem, healthy life choices, body boundaries, emotion regulation, life skills and so many more.
I have offered numerous parenting classes around topics of understand behavior, school success, developing capable and independent teenagers, boundary setting, positive discipline, healthy role modeling, and communicating effectively through the different developmental stages. I work with parents to find their parenting strengths and set goals to address their current struggles. I help educate the parents further on understanding the developmental needs that may be hiding under the difficult behaviors. I support your goals towards working to create a safe and comfortable relationship so your children will want to talk to you, redirecting the difficult behaviors before they become problematic and if they are already there, creating goals for modification techniques to change the challenging behavior. I am a huge advocate in learning your child’s love language based on the book by Gary Chapman Ph.D and Ross Campbell M.D. called the 5 Love Languages of Children. You may be working so hard to show your concern or love only to have your child reading the behaviors as something completely different. It’s important to learn what fills up your child’s love tank:)
“Don’t let yourself become so concerned with raising a good kid that you forget you already have one.” ~ Glennon Melton
Regardless if I am working with parents as a couple or a single parent, I ask the parent to look at their self-care and stress levels. To be a good parent, it is crucial to put yourself first. I don’t mean in a selfish way but rather in a healthy way. If parents are burnt out and are not feeding their desires, interests and their physical health then they will not be able to remain calm or have the patience and energy for their children. And we all know that children, regardless of the age, take energy. Children are selfish/egocentric by nature, it is not their fault and when we are feeling healthy, strong and valued, we are able to remember they are just children and set the expectations appropriately.
With older children, I coach parents to create a relationship with respect and limits. A relationship where a child learns that the more responsible and capable they are, the more freedom they will have. The more honest they are with their parents, the more trust they will be given. Empowering children to make choices that benefit them, yet also allowing them to take responsibility for the consequences when they make poor choices.
Parenting through divorce is never an easy task. Divorce effects every member of the family regardless whose decision or what the cause for the divorce. With divorce, parents have pain and hurt and sometimes strong resentment. It is a very difficult task to maintain what is in the best interest for the children when going through heartache.
What I can do as a coach is work with you in setting goals that are in the child’s best interest. Goals that are unbiased and communicated with the desire to minimize the pain of the child. If working with only one parent, we can address goals of self-care, healthy communication, positive and respectful self-advocacy and seeking outside resources before projecting any of your own pain onto your child. I do recommend if your divorce is in a very difficult place or there are more deeper emotional and mental health issues to be addressed, a therapist would be a better fit at this time. If you are able to communicate without legal issues and work with your ex-partner, then we are a good fit to work towards goals for yourself and your child.