Expat Coaching
“I am moving abroad and going to live in paradise. We will have so much quality family time. It is going to be amazing and give us the chance to reconnect as a family.”
Sound familiar? That is a wonderful plan and one everyone should get to experience at some point in their life. So what happens when too much “quality” time makes you want to run away, or you feel lost and don’t know how to fill your down time, or things are more expensive than you have in the budget, or resources are not what you expected; the “amazing” private school has computers from 2002, or the cultural expectations are a bit further out of your comfort zone than you had planned?
In today’s world many individuals and families are moving abroad to live, work or simply take a year or two sabbatical. With advanced technology many people can work remotely from anywhere in the world. Moving abroad is a big adventure and one that should be discussed with the entire family. There are many factors to consider when moving abroad. Do both partners want it? Do the kids need special resources that can be accommodated? Can you afford it and for how long? What are the cultural differences and how to connect in the new community? Do we sell everything or rent out the house? I lived these adventures and experiences first hand. They are beautiful and frustrating at the same time. I work with individuals and families to set up a plan that leads the family towards success and contentment with their new adventure. I help them address goals to minimize the surprises and disappointments in their new life. I sadly have witnessed too many expats coming ill prepared for life abroad and the negative consequences for them and their children. Setting clear goals and expectations for the move is crucial to not allow yourself to get caught up in the negative or make rash decisions that you may regret.
“Once a year go someplace you’ve never been before.”~ Dalai Lama
I have worked with many families living abroad. They had given up jobs and homes to take a leap of faith and give their kids a new and exciting experience. They then find themselves sometimes struggling with the questions of “why are we here?”, “what are we getting out of this?” or “we are not living up to the goal of this move”. The may struggle with loneliness and needing to have a larger purpose. The quality time is plentiful but it feels overwhelming. Relationships begin to suffer with fear of the unknown, possible regret, financial stress, or one partner assimilating while the other is not. The new standards of life are different to the values of their family and they feel they are being pulled away from what is true to them. It is difficult to start over and try fitting in with a new community. As a coach, I work to help you get back on track with your original goal. I hold you accountable to look for the positive and learn to let go and live each day of your new life. I coach couples to stay connected as a team, express and define needs and expectations and not allow difficult emotions to drive a wedge between them but rather work together to find a healthy balance that works for all involved.
Another difficult challenge that surfaces for expats is the “when or should we be moving home?” Many expats may feel it is time to move home but half of the family may want to stay. Others may feel it is time but are not sure where to move back to or what will they do for work. Moving home can sometimes be a more difficult transition than the initial move abroad, especially if you have lived abroad for a long period of time. The high of being an expat is leaving, the sense of adventure is not going to be present on a daily basis, saying goodbye to your new country that feels like home and leaving good friends behind who are like minded travelers, are all forms of loss for an expat. Long term expats change over time, they grow in their knowledge of the world and cultures, they seek newness and travel and this may not “fit” anymore with your old life. Being able to re-enter to your home country and accept life for what it is and the people for who they are is crucial to not isolate yourself. Your adventure was magical and enlightening but it does not mean it is desired by all or that everyone understands your path. It is important when repatriating to respect all of your home country differences, just as you did when you moved to a new country.
I support my clients in setting goals that address the social and emotional aspects of a big transition. We work towards being prepared and looking ahead for potential obstacles and having a plan in place how to address them when/if they arise. We develop goals to keep you connected, communicating openly and working as a team so you will be set up for success, for creating happy memories instead of disappointments and regrets.
