Relationship Coaching
Marital Relationships – Marriage takes a lot of work and every one has a struggle now and again. Regardless if you are married to your best friend, life throws curve balls and sometimes figuring out how to deal with those can send even the strongest relationships into a downward spiral. Relationships take compromise, understanding, acceptance and willingness to listen and work as a team. It means that sometimes you don’t win or you have to let go of something that is important to you. In the end, it should balance out that both partners needs are being met, both respected and each individual feels valued and loved. I work with couples to help you build the love and partnership you are seeking. We, as a team, work with your common goals, individual strengths and build mutually respectful conversation and conflict resolution skills to live in a peaceful relationship. I help you learn how to love the differences that you bring to a relationship instead of being resentful that your partner is not more like you or handles things the way you do. When you can see the differences as strengths, you then can enable each other to use those strengths to support the relationship. This type of partnership creates an environment of peace and calm, not of judgment and disappointment.
I have worked for many years with a wide range of couple issues. Ideally, we can work with both partners but if this is not possible, I have seen amazing progress with working with one half of the team.
“Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.”~ Walter Winchell
Intimacy issues – This topic has plagued more couples and individuals than you would think. It is a taboo topic and not one friends share freely so many couples, individuals feel alone in dealing with this sensitive topic. I have worked with many clients and a large percentage share intimacy as an issue. When I say intimacy, I don’t just mean sex. Intimacy is touching, holding, snuggling, spending time connecting physically. Non-sexual intimacy is just as important and feeds the security and trust for the fun stuff:) I work with couples and individuals to address goals that help them remove the resistance and get rid of the unwanted behaviors of avoidance and withdraw. We incorporate honest communication of their needs in this area and move towards the vision they have for their relationship. This is where the homework gets fun! Sometimes in the area of intimacy, there may be more deeper rooted clinical issues or trauma that will need to be addressed before a fun and healthy goal may be worked on. If this is the case, seeing someone practicing as a mental health therapist would be a better fit to address these deeper clinical issues.
In-law/adult parent/extended family issues – Some people were blessed with those parents and in-laws that have it all together. They financially have it together, they support you unconditionally, they visit just the right amount, they stay out of parenting issues unless asked, they don’t use guilt as a means of getting what they want. Then there are the other 95% of us:) Adult parent issues and in-law issues can cause a lot of stress in a relationship. You feel responsible for them and want to do what you can but your spouse feels they are being manipulative. You want their help with kids and your spouse wants them to mind their own business. The issues that can come up are endless and it is crucial that partners don’t turn adult parent issues into relationship issues. This is where good communication and compromise are needed and respectful boundaries are set in place. This is where I am an unbiased sounding board to help create a solid game plan towards goals that utilize compromise in this area. The goals will allow both sides to be heard and a balancing of needs to be met. Many clients struggle with dealing with aging parents and proper ways to communicate and care for them without losing themselves, feeling guilty, or getting pulled into difficult estate issues. We create a plan to set personal boundaries and communicate your limits in a way that is respectful yet assertive, while managing to give what you are able and wanting to give.
Divorce – Regardless if it was a mutual decision or something one partner did not want, divorce is a painful and devastating decision. If a couple chooses this route, I can support and coach them through handling it in a mutually respectful way and most importantly in the best interest of the children, if children are involved. We set goals that show kindness, respect and compromise. Anger and betrayal can cloud the important issues when going through a divorce and if a couple has children, THEY are the most important issue. I do not address the legal issues or custody, just goals around personal advocacy for all sides. If a divorce has reached a point of abusive communication or unwillingness to communicate, a therapist or mediator would be a better fit at this time.
Friendships/Colleagues – I think everyone at some point in their life has had a difficult work relationship or a strained friendship that seemed difficult to communicate concerns or needs. With coaching you can work towards healing hurts in the relationships you want to save, find healthy and assertive ways to walk away from the toxic ones, and create assertive boundaries with the ones that you may not have a choice to be around. We set goals that allow you to work towards communicating those healthy boundaries, sharing your feelings and needs without guilt, avoiding other’s misguided projections and creating a sense of confidence that allows you to be in charge of the energy around you.
Communication – Healthy communication is the key to all of the presenting issues above. Each goal a person sets regardless of the area of life, strong and healthy communication is the key to success. I support you in growing in your communication skills to allow you to express yourself, your needs, and your anger in a healthy way to allow yourself to be heard. I coach each individual to grow in the area of assertive (not aggressive, not passive aggressive) self advocacy to allow them the power to feel confident in standing up for themselves in all areas of life, not just relationships. Good communication is not only sharing your needs but properly learning to listen and hear others in return. Many people feel unsupported, devalued and not listened to. Couples share a need for more support at work or more involvement at home. These areas are all linked to communication of needs, communication of role expectations and communication of boundaries in the relationship. I support you in creating changes to redefine these and be sure they are meeting both partners expectations.